Ok, I'm gonna run this bit into the ground.
1. That nagging fear that the geeky kid you harassed in High School Chem is going to be the next "great" mad scientist... and that he'll remember you shoving his head into the toilet.
2. Telemarketers trying to sell you "Booster Gold's 25th Century Multivitamin"
3. "Celebrity Fear Factor" with "yesterday's news" heros like Argent, Arrowette and Gunfire.
4. Crowds outside of Barnes and Noble lining up to buy "My night with Huntress" by Josh
5. Talking heads on Television saying that if Batman would just stay in his hole, there would be no supercrime in Gotham.
6. Following in the footsteps of Wonder Woman, a slew of books on personal philosophy by superheros... culminating in "Fragging for Fun and Profit" by Lobo (ghostwritten of course)
7. "Hey, wait a minute... I thought Hawk was a guy? Who's this british lady?"
8. Endless debates on alt.fan.teensuperbabes "Wonder Girl or Stargirl"
(I told you I'd run it into the ground, and I'm sure I'm not done yet)
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Downsides of living in the Marvel Universe
Continuing with my theme from the other day...
1. You can't walk more than 5 feet in New York without being run over by the Paparazzi following one superhero or another.
2. If you are anywhere other than New York, you can't get a superhero when you need one. Period.
3. The incredible humiliation of joining an anti-mutant hate group and waking up some morning to find you can bench press your mom's Yugo
4. Ghost Rider sitting in a Non-smoking restauraunt
5. 20/20 Presents... Bucky Barnes, where is he now?
6. Finding out that the Infinity Gauntlet made an evil twin of your mother in law.
7. Not realizing what bar you are in until you hear a guy walk in and say "Justice is Served"
Hm, I'm reaching, so I best quit.
1. You can't walk more than 5 feet in New York without being run over by the Paparazzi following one superhero or another.
2. If you are anywhere other than New York, you can't get a superhero when you need one. Period.
3. The incredible humiliation of joining an anti-mutant hate group and waking up some morning to find you can bench press your mom's Yugo
4. Ghost Rider sitting in a Non-smoking restauraunt
5. 20/20 Presents... Bucky Barnes, where is he now?
6. Finding out that the Infinity Gauntlet made an evil twin of your mother in law.
7. Not realizing what bar you are in until you hear a guy walk in and say "Justice is Served"
Hm, I'm reaching, so I best quit.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Villain that works: Dr. Sivana
Celebrating what's good in villains (now that I evicerated my 10 Painful ones), we come to the gleefully evil Dr. Sivana.
At first, I wasn't that deeply impressed with him. After all, ho hum, if you've seen one mad scientist, you've seen them all. Yeah, Dr. S has roots that go back to the Golden Age, so you can't exactly call him a copycat, but even so, whoop de do.
Then I started reading him in the Power of Shazam books, and then his recent appearances in Outsiders. Color me much more impressed.
The story in Power of Shazam that really impressed me wasn't his first appearance, or even when he helped (sort of) defeat the mindworm swarm on Venus. No, it was clearly the story of what he did when he finally got a chance to mess around in the time stream.
Now, most villains, you dump them into the time stream, and give them a chance to pull a Biff Tanner, they'll be glaringly obvious. You see, the good Doctor went back and gave his past self a message about Billy Batson. Most mad scientists would have gone back and said "Make sure that Theo tracks down the Batson brat too. Oh, kill the girl to be sure." Not our good doctor. Even though it would be a couple of years before the Wizard gave the powers to Billy, Dr. S had another idea. His message to his past self? "Whatever you do... DON'T TOUCH THE BATSONS!" Even though the adult Batsons became Capt. Marvels in their own right (interesting timeshift story), he manages to coexist with them, and leave them alone. Because of that, he doesn't lose his wealth, his prestige or his business. A bit wimpy, to just say "hide from your foe," but it worked. Too bad the wizard decided to fix the timeline *L*
Then, his gleefully evil run in Outsiders. This is the way an evil mastermind should work. He's got a team that has given a decent challenge to the Titans in the past, and he's 3 steps ahead of them all. He's blocked Psimon from trying to control him, and the first time the team gets at all restive, he has a remote control laser give Gizmo a fatal lobotomy. His plan? He was having "the boys" attack Lexcorp holdings so he could manipulate the stock. With that, he bought his own tropical island, for his official mad scientist hangout. I could only laugh. Now, that's how a Supervillain is supposed to act.
In a way, I'd like to see the good Doctor as a member of the six, in place of Deathstroke (I like Slade, just think he's misplaced there.) On the other hand, not sure how well he and Lex would coexist.
At first, I wasn't that deeply impressed with him. After all, ho hum, if you've seen one mad scientist, you've seen them all. Yeah, Dr. S has roots that go back to the Golden Age, so you can't exactly call him a copycat, but even so, whoop de do.
Then I started reading him in the Power of Shazam books, and then his recent appearances in Outsiders. Color me much more impressed.
The story in Power of Shazam that really impressed me wasn't his first appearance, or even when he helped (sort of) defeat the mindworm swarm on Venus. No, it was clearly the story of what he did when he finally got a chance to mess around in the time stream.
Now, most villains, you dump them into the time stream, and give them a chance to pull a Biff Tanner, they'll be glaringly obvious. You see, the good Doctor went back and gave his past self a message about Billy Batson. Most mad scientists would have gone back and said "Make sure that Theo tracks down the Batson brat too. Oh, kill the girl to be sure." Not our good doctor. Even though it would be a couple of years before the Wizard gave the powers to Billy, Dr. S had another idea. His message to his past self? "Whatever you do... DON'T TOUCH THE BATSONS!" Even though the adult Batsons became Capt. Marvels in their own right (interesting timeshift story), he manages to coexist with them, and leave them alone. Because of that, he doesn't lose his wealth, his prestige or his business. A bit wimpy, to just say "hide from your foe," but it worked. Too bad the wizard decided to fix the timeline *L*
Then, his gleefully evil run in Outsiders. This is the way an evil mastermind should work. He's got a team that has given a decent challenge to the Titans in the past, and he's 3 steps ahead of them all. He's blocked Psimon from trying to control him, and the first time the team gets at all restive, he has a remote control laser give Gizmo a fatal lobotomy. His plan? He was having "the boys" attack Lexcorp holdings so he could manipulate the stock. With that, he bought his own tropical island, for his official mad scientist hangout. I could only laugh. Now, that's how a Supervillain is supposed to act.
In a way, I'd like to see the good Doctor as a member of the six, in place of Deathstroke (I like Slade, just think he's misplaced there.) On the other hand, not sure how well he and Lex would coexist.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Downsides of living in the DCU
Years ago, I did a "downsides of living" in various anime series
While casting around for an idea to post about tonight, I thought this might be worth a small chuckle or two.
So, without further ado, the downsides of living in the DCU
1. No Steroid Controversies in baseball. You think that's an upside? It would be, except it's been replaced by "Is that pitcher a metahuman?"
2. Wal Mart fashions inspired by the latest Superhero outfit crazes.
3. Replacing the windows in your house at least once a year after they get shatted by sonic booms created by Superman, one of the Flashes or the like.
4. Flashbacks to when you caught a "Joker Fish" on vacation.
5. Whenever the Weather Wizard is out of jail, forecasts are "20% chance of sun, 20% chance of rain, 20% chance of snow, 20% chance of sandstorm and 20% chance of absolute chaos"
6. Trouble getting into the mall because Booster Gold is selling autographs ($5 a pop)
7. Endless debates on alt.fan.superbabes "Power Girl or Wonder Woman"
8. Watching a giant gorilla carry a brain in a jar into the house next door.
9. Mysterious lightning bolts in Fawcett City blowing up your computer system... again.
10. Wondering why a mad scientist can easily whip up a device that will vaporize half of Australia, but no one can make a faucet that doesn't drip after a few months.
While casting around for an idea to post about tonight, I thought this might be worth a small chuckle or two.
So, without further ado, the downsides of living in the DCU
1. No Steroid Controversies in baseball. You think that's an upside? It would be, except it's been replaced by "Is that pitcher a metahuman?"
2. Wal Mart fashions inspired by the latest Superhero outfit crazes.
3. Replacing the windows in your house at least once a year after they get shatted by sonic booms created by Superman, one of the Flashes or the like.
4. Flashbacks to when you caught a "Joker Fish" on vacation.
5. Whenever the Weather Wizard is out of jail, forecasts are "20% chance of sun, 20% chance of rain, 20% chance of snow, 20% chance of sandstorm and 20% chance of absolute chaos"
6. Trouble getting into the mall because Booster Gold is selling autographs ($5 a pop)
7. Endless debates on alt.fan.superbabes "Power Girl or Wonder Woman"
8. Watching a giant gorilla carry a brain in a jar into the house next door.
9. Mysterious lightning bolts in Fawcett City blowing up your computer system... again.
10. Wondering why a mad scientist can easily whip up a device that will vaporize half of Australia, but no one can make a faucet that doesn't drip after a few months.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Good Villain,,, Black Adam
I'm not going to be as "formal" as I was with the "painful villains", but lets face it, there are not only bad villains, but also good ones, some really, really good ones, and now and then I'll pop up and say why I think they work.
Black Adam is one of them. I'll be honest, right now, I'm a touch worried about Adam, due to overexposure. That's always a danger with any villain, that once it is seen that they work, and work well, they get dragged into everything.
Still, Black Adam works, and it's rather odd. It would be easy to dismiss Adam as just a variation of the "evil twin" theme. He is, and he isn't.
What works with Adam is the way that he contrasts with Cap't Marvel. In many ways they are alike, and it is easy to "see" why the wizard would have chosen both of them. For both of them, justice, honor and taking care of your people are defining concepts. The difference is that they just don't match up on what those concepts mean... especially that first little word... "justice."
You could simply say that Adam hearkens back to an earlier day, but not really. Yes, his concepts of justice are very, very direct and a touch brutal, but the difference isn't really "new versus old." It is the old saw "do the ends justify the means?"
Billy says no
Adam says yes
I'm not going to say that is the sum total of the differences, but it is indeed a large chunk of them. It is that contrast that defines Adam, and what makes him interesting.
His current plotline is also interesting, because it plays in much the same turf that recent episodes of JLU have been playing in. Why did the world react so strongly when Adam invaded Khandaq? There are lots of debates about "was it an invasion, or a coup or what?" However, that's missing the point.
The real issue is this. A running fear among the nations of any world with Superheros has to be "What will we do if they decide they want to run things." Of course, villains have either run (Dr. Doom) or tried to run (1,000,000 examples) countries at one point or another. However, when it is the heros that do it? (And Adam's status is a bit vague at that point) What happens when Superman decides to take over? Is the Justice League the great defenders or the greatest threat?
The Khandaq storyline opens up all of those questions, and more (how WILL Adam reign anyway?), and all of those questions provide a great deal of meat for some really interesting storytelling, and I look forward to seeing it.
I do find it interesting, that with the development of Black Adam, there's probably more people out there really interested in him than in Capt. Marvel himself, though I'm actually not one of them. I'm fascinated by both of them, and hope that we get a new Capt. Marvel book coming out of the Crisis.
Black Adam is one of them. I'll be honest, right now, I'm a touch worried about Adam, due to overexposure. That's always a danger with any villain, that once it is seen that they work, and work well, they get dragged into everything.
Still, Black Adam works, and it's rather odd. It would be easy to dismiss Adam as just a variation of the "evil twin" theme. He is, and he isn't.
What works with Adam is the way that he contrasts with Cap't Marvel. In many ways they are alike, and it is easy to "see" why the wizard would have chosen both of them. For both of them, justice, honor and taking care of your people are defining concepts. The difference is that they just don't match up on what those concepts mean... especially that first little word... "justice."
You could simply say that Adam hearkens back to an earlier day, but not really. Yes, his concepts of justice are very, very direct and a touch brutal, but the difference isn't really "new versus old." It is the old saw "do the ends justify the means?"
Billy says no
Adam says yes
I'm not going to say that is the sum total of the differences, but it is indeed a large chunk of them. It is that contrast that defines Adam, and what makes him interesting.
His current plotline is also interesting, because it plays in much the same turf that recent episodes of JLU have been playing in. Why did the world react so strongly when Adam invaded Khandaq? There are lots of debates about "was it an invasion, or a coup or what?" However, that's missing the point.
The real issue is this. A running fear among the nations of any world with Superheros has to be "What will we do if they decide they want to run things." Of course, villains have either run (Dr. Doom) or tried to run (1,000,000 examples) countries at one point or another. However, when it is the heros that do it? (And Adam's status is a bit vague at that point) What happens when Superman decides to take over? Is the Justice League the great defenders or the greatest threat?
The Khandaq storyline opens up all of those questions, and more (how WILL Adam reign anyway?), and all of those questions provide a great deal of meat for some really interesting storytelling, and I look forward to seeing it.
I do find it interesting, that with the development of Black Adam, there's probably more people out there really interested in him than in Capt. Marvel himself, though I'm actually not one of them. I'm fascinated by both of them, and hope that we get a new Capt. Marvel book coming out of the Crisis.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Birds of Prey 85
Yep, you know, spoilers and all that.
Aside from the Spoiler/Leslie stuff that's going, the biggest "issue" in the books I even remotely follow is the big last page reveal in the latest issue of BoP.
I have to admit, that I have deeply mixed feelings about it. Babs being in the wheelchair is so deeply iconic for her, I think that there is a risk of losing a great deal if they let her back onto "her feet" as it were. We've seen more of her grit and determination in her relearning to live her life, than we ever saw in her kicking around baddies (though I'd like to find the issues where Cormorant nearly killed her). She's not only learned to survive, but to thrive, and she's found herself a place in the world.
I'm not going to be preachy and say that she should stay there, as a "inspiration to all of those who have physical issues." That's really beside the point.
My deepest concern, is that if they do indeed get her out of her chair, that she doesn't suffer from Xavieritis. In other words, the never-ending stream of taking someone out of the chair, then putting them back, then taking them out, then putting them back. Whichever they decide, make it stick.
I'm willing to sit back and "enjoy the ride," the book has been good enough lately that I'm more than willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Aside from the Spoiler/Leslie stuff that's going, the biggest "issue" in the books I even remotely follow is the big last page reveal in the latest issue of BoP.
I have to admit, that I have deeply mixed feelings about it. Babs being in the wheelchair is so deeply iconic for her, I think that there is a risk of losing a great deal if they let her back onto "her feet" as it were. We've seen more of her grit and determination in her relearning to live her life, than we ever saw in her kicking around baddies (though I'd like to find the issues where Cormorant nearly killed her). She's not only learned to survive, but to thrive, and she's found herself a place in the world.
I'm not going to be preachy and say that she should stay there, as a "inspiration to all of those who have physical issues." That's really beside the point.
My deepest concern, is that if they do indeed get her out of her chair, that she doesn't suffer from Xavieritis. In other words, the never-ending stream of taking someone out of the chair, then putting them back, then taking them out, then putting them back. Whichever they decide, make it stick.
I'm willing to sit back and "enjoy the ride," the book has been good enough lately that I'm more than willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Talkingout my ear (or something)-Batman spoilers
Have a couple of minutes before I have to leave on a very long day, and I've been thinking about the big "news" with the death of Spoiler in the Bat-books.
Now, I haven't read the book, and don't plan to do so until it comes out in TP form, but I'm troubled by this story, and it finally struck me why.
Stephanie's story in War Drums and War Games was a very nice little tragedy, not in the common maudlin sense, but in the formal literary sense. Perhaps her pride was not to the level of Oedipus, but in her pride, the seeds of her downfall were sown. Not a pretty death, but it gave her entire story structure and meaning.
Now, with one little revelation, the entire story is transformed, away from being about "the fall of Spoiler" to being about "the relation between Batman and Leslie." The entire "fall of Spoiler" is pushed to the side and made secondary.
Now, you could argue that the "Fall of Spoiler" is just a prelude to the "Fall of Batman", in a greek sense, and that might not be so bad, but at this point, I just find myself bothered by the marginalization of Spoiler and her death.
"Those who the gods would destroy, they first make proud," had such nice resonance.
Now, I haven't read the book, and don't plan to do so until it comes out in TP form, but I'm troubled by this story, and it finally struck me why.
Stephanie's story in War Drums and War Games was a very nice little tragedy, not in the common maudlin sense, but in the formal literary sense. Perhaps her pride was not to the level of Oedipus, but in her pride, the seeds of her downfall were sown. Not a pretty death, but it gave her entire story structure and meaning.
Now, with one little revelation, the entire story is transformed, away from being about "the fall of Spoiler" to being about "the relation between Batman and Leslie." The entire "fall of Spoiler" is pushed to the side and made secondary.
Now, you could argue that the "Fall of Spoiler" is just a prelude to the "Fall of Batman", in a greek sense, and that might not be so bad, but at this point, I just find myself bothered by the marginalization of Spoiler and her death.
"Those who the gods would destroy, they first make proud," had such nice resonance.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Problems in storytelling- time travel
My naming of Extant as the #1 Painful Villain brought to mind one of the problems that Time Travel can bring into writing comic books.
Now, there are a few different types of time travel.
1) Distant Past travel. Basically, this is going back to any time before the grandfather of the character was bone (for the sake of argument). This can make for an interesting story. Imagine dumping Jade into a Ducal court in Medieval Germany for instance. However, this type isn't really want I want to focus in.
2) Recent past time Travel. As it sounds, basically any time since the grandfather of the character involved was born. Now, in this you can play all sorts of games. Anything from a Back to the Future inspired "you cannot meet your counterpart" idea, to actually working with them, as we saw in the recent Degaton arc in JSA. Also interesting, but not really want I'm interested in.
3) Distant Future travel. Pretty obvious, duck into the far future and look around. Nifty, but not my concern either.
4) Near Future Travel. By this, I mean any future where the overall shape of the world is recognizible. This is what I want to focus on a little bit.
It seems that most books have done some form of a "near future" storyline at one point or another. They can range from the Brilliant (Future Imperfect in the Incredible Hulk, or Days of Future Past in X-Men), to somewhat less than brilliant (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix).
The problem with writing these kinds of stories is that they can begin to "limit" the future shape of the book. If you plot a future story, you are almost forced to push your story in that direction, even if better ideas come to the fore.
Yet, the bigger problem I've seen isn't so much of "handcuffing" writers, but that any future story you may see, you can write off as "well, in a year or so it will be forgotten." The characters who got the glimpse of it will obsess over it for a time (as the Teen Titans are now), but then as the writer moves on to new interests, it gets left behind.
Take X-Men for instance. When I quit reading X-Men five years ago or so, there were at least three major "future" timelines floating about,that were at least somewhat contradictory. There was the one all the way back from X-Men 137, which is one of the classic stories in comic history. Then you had the Bishop inspired XSE future, and finally the Apocalypse inspired stuff we see with Cable, Stryfe and the Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix. Which of them are we supposed to pay attention to? Or are we supposed to try to shoehorn all of them together?
Writing a "future" story for a book can be a very exciting idea, but it is also a dangerous one. Too many of these stories have been left behind over the years for us take them seriously. It can leave us more than a bit jaded. I'm not sure what needs to be done, but I think a bit more care and thought needs to be spent before writers go digging into that well.
Now, there are a few different types of time travel.
1) Distant Past travel. Basically, this is going back to any time before the grandfather of the character was bone (for the sake of argument). This can make for an interesting story. Imagine dumping Jade into a Ducal court in Medieval Germany for instance. However, this type isn't really want I want to focus in.
2) Recent past time Travel. As it sounds, basically any time since the grandfather of the character involved was born. Now, in this you can play all sorts of games. Anything from a Back to the Future inspired "you cannot meet your counterpart" idea, to actually working with them, as we saw in the recent Degaton arc in JSA. Also interesting, but not really want I'm interested in.
3) Distant Future travel. Pretty obvious, duck into the far future and look around. Nifty, but not my concern either.
4) Near Future Travel. By this, I mean any future where the overall shape of the world is recognizible. This is what I want to focus on a little bit.
It seems that most books have done some form of a "near future" storyline at one point or another. They can range from the Brilliant (Future Imperfect in the Incredible Hulk, or Days of Future Past in X-Men), to somewhat less than brilliant (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix).
The problem with writing these kinds of stories is that they can begin to "limit" the future shape of the book. If you plot a future story, you are almost forced to push your story in that direction, even if better ideas come to the fore.
Yet, the bigger problem I've seen isn't so much of "handcuffing" writers, but that any future story you may see, you can write off as "well, in a year or so it will be forgotten." The characters who got the glimpse of it will obsess over it for a time (as the Teen Titans are now), but then as the writer moves on to new interests, it gets left behind.
Take X-Men for instance. When I quit reading X-Men five years ago or so, there were at least three major "future" timelines floating about,that were at least somewhat contradictory. There was the one all the way back from X-Men 137, which is one of the classic stories in comic history. Then you had the Bishop inspired XSE future, and finally the Apocalypse inspired stuff we see with Cable, Stryfe and the Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix. Which of them are we supposed to pay attention to? Or are we supposed to try to shoehorn all of them together?
Writing a "future" story for a book can be a very exciting idea, but it is also a dangerous one. Too many of these stories have been left behind over the years for us take them seriously. It can leave us more than a bit jaded. I'm not sure what needs to be done, but I think a bit more care and thought needs to be spent before writers go digging into that well.
The Worst of the Worst, Painful Villain #1
Imagine you were sitting around at a high-powered creator's conference, and decided to create the ultimate painful villain.
What sorts of things would you put onto your list?
1. Former hero
2. Time Travel based powers
3. Incomprehensible powers
4. Spawning copies of himself off into the time stream
5. The "star" of a massive, company wide, crossover "event"
Our last, and worst, is all of those things and more. With Infinite Crisis impending on all of us, it is time to hearken back to the last time that DC tried to clear up continuity. The incredible, incomprehensible, indescribable.... Zero Hour! Oh, the pain that those words create, and a great deal of the pain starts with this buffoon.
Yes, you knew he had to appear at one point or another... and I give you...
Extant!
Is there any way to desribe the utter pain that this fool brings about? Take a 4th tier hero, and drive him nuts. Suddenly, he comes up with powers that have no relation to anything that he showed back in his heroic days, and have him run amuck in the time stream.
Build a gigantic, incomprehensible storyline around him, and then, in a classic bait and switch, reveal that he wasn't even the big cheese, that he was nothing more than a Flunky of Parallax
Then, just to top the whole thing off, he is given the lamest villain death on record. Okay, lets see, this is a guy who dismantled the "old" JSA, was a major threat to anyone and everything that he came across, and you kill him by.... dumping him into an airliner that's about to be shot down.
Um... yeah.
The worst part, is that there is no reason to assume that we'll never see him again. Just because he's dead doesn't mean he's dead. After all, remember the two rules of dead comics characters.
1) Unless you have a body, he's not dead. If you have a body, he may be dead. Oops... no body.
2) The only character to die and stay dead is Bucky Barnes. Considering the rumors coming off of Marvel readers, this rule may need to be expunged as well.
So, for all of these reasons and more, I present to you the worst of the worst, the toast of the town, the pathetic, the painful, Hank Hall, Hawk, Monarch, Extant... loser.
What sorts of things would you put onto your list?
1. Former hero
2. Time Travel based powers
3. Incomprehensible powers
4. Spawning copies of himself off into the time stream
5. The "star" of a massive, company wide, crossover "event"
Our last, and worst, is all of those things and more. With Infinite Crisis impending on all of us, it is time to hearken back to the last time that DC tried to clear up continuity. The incredible, incomprehensible, indescribable.... Zero Hour! Oh, the pain that those words create, and a great deal of the pain starts with this buffoon.
Yes, you knew he had to appear at one point or another... and I give you...
Extant!
Is there any way to desribe the utter pain that this fool brings about? Take a 4th tier hero, and drive him nuts. Suddenly, he comes up with powers that have no relation to anything that he showed back in his heroic days, and have him run amuck in the time stream.
Build a gigantic, incomprehensible storyline around him, and then, in a classic bait and switch, reveal that he wasn't even the big cheese, that he was nothing more than a Flunky of Parallax
Then, just to top the whole thing off, he is given the lamest villain death on record. Okay, lets see, this is a guy who dismantled the "old" JSA, was a major threat to anyone and everything that he came across, and you kill him by.... dumping him into an airliner that's about to be shot down.
Um... yeah.
The worst part, is that there is no reason to assume that we'll never see him again. Just because he's dead doesn't mean he's dead. After all, remember the two rules of dead comics characters.
1) Unless you have a body, he's not dead. If you have a body, he may be dead. Oops... no body.
2) The only character to die and stay dead is Bucky Barnes. Considering the rumors coming off of Marvel readers, this rule may need to be expunged as well.
So, for all of these reasons and more, I present to you the worst of the worst, the toast of the town, the pathetic, the painful, Hank Hall, Hawk, Monarch, Extant... loser.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Painful Villain #2
The great comic book heros are known by their villains. I say Batman, you say Joker. I say X-Men, you say Magneto. I say Superman, you say Lex Luther. What sets the truly great heros apart isn't just that they have a good villain, but that they have a great rogues gallery. Batman doesn't only have the Joker, but then you start looking at people like Ras al'Ghul, his always enigmatic relationship with Catwoman (though she's turned of course), Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, and of course, the always fun Scarface.
Now, you look at Spiderman, and he seems to be the exception that proves the rule. I mean, yeah, he has one great villain. I'll tip my cap to the Green Goblin. I also like Kingpin, though I'm never sure if he's a Spiderman or Daredevil villain. After that though? You have Kraven the nauseating, a guy who is dressed up with a gigantic star for a hat, a moron who grafted a bunch of clumsy metal arms to himself... and then the great "revolutionary" villain was his old suit, after it grafted to a reporter. When they turned that buffoon into one of the never-enough-to-be-cursed anti-heros, they then found some way to spawn another version onto a psycho. When that wasn't enough, they made even more, for "Maximum Carnage".
Huzzah, huzzah. Now, that Rogues gallery is going to turn Batman green with envy.
Yet, as lame as all of them are, none of them compare to the horror that is the flying geezer himself... the Vulture
I'm sorry, he's got an ugly green costume, and looks like he should be resting on the porch of the Shady Acres Rest Home rather than trying to trade blows with a superhero. At the worst, he should be the guy who yells at the neighborhood kids for daring to ride their bicycles past his house. The indimidation factor just isn't there.
There's "suspension of disbelief," but that can only go so far. Put this idiot on a prune juice IV and send him his Social Security Check.
Tomorrow: The Worst of the Worst. He's incomprehensible, he had an awful "death", and with another "reboot" about to start, it's time to remember the worst of them all. Can any of you guess what buffoon is about to make an appearance?
Now, you look at Spiderman, and he seems to be the exception that proves the rule. I mean, yeah, he has one great villain. I'll tip my cap to the Green Goblin. I also like Kingpin, though I'm never sure if he's a Spiderman or Daredevil villain. After that though? You have Kraven the nauseating, a guy who is dressed up with a gigantic star for a hat, a moron who grafted a bunch of clumsy metal arms to himself... and then the great "revolutionary" villain was his old suit, after it grafted to a reporter. When they turned that buffoon into one of the never-enough-to-be-cursed anti-heros, they then found some way to spawn another version onto a psycho. When that wasn't enough, they made even more, for "Maximum Carnage".
Huzzah, huzzah. Now, that Rogues gallery is going to turn Batman green with envy.
Yet, as lame as all of them are, none of them compare to the horror that is the flying geezer himself... the Vulture
I'm sorry, he's got an ugly green costume, and looks like he should be resting on the porch of the Shady Acres Rest Home rather than trying to trade blows with a superhero. At the worst, he should be the guy who yells at the neighborhood kids for daring to ride their bicycles past his house. The indimidation factor just isn't there.
There's "suspension of disbelief," but that can only go so far. Put this idiot on a prune juice IV and send him his Social Security Check.
Tomorrow: The Worst of the Worst. He's incomprehensible, he had an awful "death", and with another "reboot" about to start, it's time to remember the worst of them all. Can any of you guess what buffoon is about to make an appearance?
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Painful Villain #3
We're coming into the home stretch, and the villians are just reeking with boredom.
If you've been reading this, one theme that we've seen a few times is "one trick ponies." Those are the villians that can make a good storyline. Sometimes, with good writing, you can drag a couple of more stories out of them. After that, their abilities, or motivations, or nature just make them absolutely redundant.
What's even worse, is when you get "one trick ponies" who are stupid to boot. I mean, if a guy who only has one gimmick in his bag is at least a bit clever, you can put a little variation in that way (we're talking about you) . However, when you start getting into the characters that even Gilligan thinks are idiots, there's only so much you can do with them.
That's where you end up with Number three on our list To find this schmoe, you have to go hunting in the rogue file of the Big Blue Boyscout himself. I'll be honest, it's got to be pretty tough to come up with decent Superman villains. Sure, Lex is top shelf, and Brainiac isn't bad either. It's after that when things get a bit tetchy. So, why not come up with a villain that can suck the power/life/knowledge out of our hero? Sounds like an idea, right? Well, it might have, except that they also made him an utter idiot. On the one hand, that makes him beatable, but it also making him boring. Yep, our exercise in tedium today is the Parasite.
It's not that the idea is bad. It really isn't. It's that, once you've told the story, what else is there to do with him? Sure, you can then send him off to do the superhero circuit. "Ok, I couldn't beat Superman... I'll try Wonder Woman... er Flash...er Black Lighting, er, Green Arrow, er Speedy!", but even that would get old.
So, someone give the DCU a nice deworming and put this parasite out of my misery.
Tomorrow, #2, and we're dipping into Spiderman's rogues gallery. A group I've always found to be sadly overrated. I'd live to make Kraven #2, but frankly, I get violently ill every time I even see that character, so it's another one. Bring the drammamine!
If you've been reading this, one theme that we've seen a few times is "one trick ponies." Those are the villians that can make a good storyline. Sometimes, with good writing, you can drag a couple of more stories out of them. After that, their abilities, or motivations, or nature just make them absolutely redundant.
What's even worse, is when you get "one trick ponies" who are stupid to boot. I mean, if a guy who only has one gimmick in his bag is at least a bit clever, you can put a little variation in that way (we're talking about you) . However, when you start getting into the characters that even Gilligan thinks are idiots, there's only so much you can do with them.
That's where you end up with Number three on our list To find this schmoe, you have to go hunting in the rogue file of the Big Blue Boyscout himself. I'll be honest, it's got to be pretty tough to come up with decent Superman villains. Sure, Lex is top shelf, and Brainiac isn't bad either. It's after that when things get a bit tetchy. So, why not come up with a villain that can suck the power/life/knowledge out of our hero? Sounds like an idea, right? Well, it might have, except that they also made him an utter idiot. On the one hand, that makes him beatable, but it also making him boring. Yep, our exercise in tedium today is the Parasite.
It's not that the idea is bad. It really isn't. It's that, once you've told the story, what else is there to do with him? Sure, you can then send him off to do the superhero circuit. "Ok, I couldn't beat Superman... I'll try Wonder Woman... er Flash...er Black Lighting, er, Green Arrow, er Speedy!", but even that would get old.
So, someone give the DCU a nice deworming and put this parasite out of my misery.
Tomorrow, #2, and we're dipping into Spiderman's rogues gallery. A group I've always found to be sadly overrated. I'd live to make Kraven #2, but frankly, I get violently ill every time I even see that character, so it's another one. Bring the drammamine!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Painful Villain #4
Never has any villian managed to do less with so much. Such incredible power, such potential, but a never ending run of losses.
He could kill almost any enemy he comes across with just a thought, but he manages to keep losing. I haven't seen it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he even managed to lose to Rick Jones (without Mar-Vell).
Lame, pathetic, and you just know that any story he's in is going to leave you screaming...
"OH COME ON! JUST TURN THE AIR IN THEIR LUNGS TO CONCRETE AND BE DONE WITH IT!
Yes, kiddies, I'm talking about the Molecule Man
After all, he only has near absolute power over any non-organic molecule. Lots (LOTS) of ways to frag pretty much any hero short of the Silver Surfer without even trying. (Against the Surfer, he'd have to try).
He just keeps losing.
And Losing.
And Losing.
Ok, that can make an amusing story... once. Like so many of the Painful 10, this is a guy who makes a single good story. Yeah, chuckle at the moron. But he shows up again, and all you can do is cringe. Another round of idiocy. Huzzah. Nice when you give these incredible powers to a guy who can't outthink a 1957 Studebaker Coupe.
Up next... another "good for one story" sort. Off to the land of Superman...
He could kill almost any enemy he comes across with just a thought, but he manages to keep losing. I haven't seen it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he even managed to lose to Rick Jones (without Mar-Vell).
Lame, pathetic, and you just know that any story he's in is going to leave you screaming...
"OH COME ON! JUST TURN THE AIR IN THEIR LUNGS TO CONCRETE AND BE DONE WITH IT!
Yes, kiddies, I'm talking about the Molecule Man
After all, he only has near absolute power over any non-organic molecule. Lots (LOTS) of ways to frag pretty much any hero short of the Silver Surfer without even trying. (Against the Surfer, he'd have to try).
He just keeps losing.
And Losing.
And Losing.
Ok, that can make an amusing story... once. Like so many of the Painful 10, this is a guy who makes a single good story. Yeah, chuckle at the moron. But he shows up again, and all you can do is cringe. Another round of idiocy. Huzzah. Nice when you give these incredible powers to a guy who can't outthink a 1957 Studebaker Coupe.
Up next... another "good for one story" sort. Off to the land of Superman...
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Painful Villain(s) #5
All right, I'm going to "open" things up a bit here, and pick on an entire class of villians. A type of villian that it seems that every hero has run into at one time or another. People must think that they make for interesting stories, but in all the years I've read these, I can remember exactly one storyline that I found remotely diverting.
What are these villains of boredom? These pointless malefactors? Well, can you smell the brimstone? Yes, it's demons. (Sabbac being just one example of the horde of them that are out there).
You either get this gigantic powerful thing that goes burning/thrashing everything in sight (see Sabbac's recent appearance in Outsiders. Or, else you get these overused Faustian plots where the demon comes along and starts making offers to villains who are always willing to make a deal. Um, guys, hasn't anyone heard, "never trust a demon?" On occasion, you'll get a Silver Surfer esque storyline where the demon is trying to devour some pure soul for their own fiendish purposes. Now, those stories make the theologian in me cringe. No pure souls out there for the demons to play with... but that's another topic for my regular LJ, not a comics blog.
I mentioned that there has been one "demonic" storyline that I found at least interesting, and that was the long ago limited series about Illyana Rasputin's time in Limbo. That was wierd, and almost enjoyable. That said, as I hinted back in Villian #10, I did enjoy the "fall" of Illyana, but as the story got more "demonic" it annoyed me more and more. I mean, her armor growing, and having more trouble restraining her more troublesome impulses? That was working great. Then they started giving her goat's legs (and worse). That storyline went downhill from there. Of course, considering how little use I have for demons as a whole, I consider Inferno to be one of the most painful X-storylines I ever read.
I'll admit, that in some books (like something with Dr. Strange, or Dr. Fate), the demonic fits better. Of course, I don't actually read those books.
You show me a demon story, and you'll be lucky is if all I do is yawn. Cringing is far more likely.
Tomorrow.... Painful Villain #4... and he's another loser from the pages of Fantastic Four
ETA: Yes, I finally realized that I've been making a moron of myself by misspelling "villain". *sigh* I've gone back and edited some, but it's not complete.
What are these villains of boredom? These pointless malefactors? Well, can you smell the brimstone? Yes, it's demons. (Sabbac being just one example of the horde of them that are out there).
You either get this gigantic powerful thing that goes burning/thrashing everything in sight (see Sabbac's recent appearance in Outsiders. Or, else you get these overused Faustian plots where the demon comes along and starts making offers to villains who are always willing to make a deal. Um, guys, hasn't anyone heard, "never trust a demon?" On occasion, you'll get a Silver Surfer esque storyline where the demon is trying to devour some pure soul for their own fiendish purposes. Now, those stories make the theologian in me cringe. No pure souls out there for the demons to play with... but that's another topic for my regular LJ, not a comics blog.
I mentioned that there has been one "demonic" storyline that I found at least interesting, and that was the long ago limited series about Illyana Rasputin's time in Limbo. That was wierd, and almost enjoyable. That said, as I hinted back in Villian #10, I did enjoy the "fall" of Illyana, but as the story got more "demonic" it annoyed me more and more. I mean, her armor growing, and having more trouble restraining her more troublesome impulses? That was working great. Then they started giving her goat's legs (and worse). That storyline went downhill from there. Of course, considering how little use I have for demons as a whole, I consider Inferno to be one of the most painful X-storylines I ever read.
I'll admit, that in some books (like something with Dr. Strange, or Dr. Fate), the demonic fits better. Of course, I don't actually read those books.
You show me a demon story, and you'll be lucky is if all I do is yawn. Cringing is far more likely.
Tomorrow.... Painful Villain #4... and he's another loser from the pages of Fantastic Four
ETA: Yes, I finally realized that I've been making a moron of myself by misspelling "villain". *sigh* I've gone back and edited some, but it's not complete.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Painful Villain #6
All right, I've never seen this guy do a good story. Not one. The only thing that keeps him from being far higher on the list, is the fact that his daughter is actually an interesting character, and has added quite a bit to the books over the years.
Yes, it's the Puppet Master Another guy, all you can do is wonder why authors just keep dragging him back, and back, and back, and back and back and back and back. Not only are mind-control stories weak, but this guy just brings the ugly to my comics pages.
I'm sorry, but mind control stories do absolutely nothing for me. Yay, all we do is make the hero look like a buffoon, have people wonder if they are really heros or not, and when all is said and done, you get some third rate angst.
I'm trying to think of a good mind control story, any comic... and while I may be forgetting something, I really can't come up with a good one right offhand.
It's not so bad when someone like Mr. Mind is using meaningless unknown cameos to pull off their stuff, but when the worm actually crawls into the head of a name character for 3-4 issues? I'll pass thank you.
Still, I do like Alicia...so be thankful Puppet Master, you at least managed that much, or else you'd be lurking in the top 5.
Tomorrow... an entire class of "villians". It's a hot topic.
Yes, it's the Puppet Master Another guy, all you can do is wonder why authors just keep dragging him back, and back, and back, and back and back and back and back. Not only are mind-control stories weak, but this guy just brings the ugly to my comics pages.
I'm sorry, but mind control stories do absolutely nothing for me. Yay, all we do is make the hero look like a buffoon, have people wonder if they are really heros or not, and when all is said and done, you get some third rate angst.
I'm trying to think of a good mind control story, any comic... and while I may be forgetting something, I really can't come up with a good one right offhand.
It's not so bad when someone like Mr. Mind is using meaningless unknown cameos to pull off their stuff, but when the worm actually crawls into the head of a name character for 3-4 issues? I'll pass thank you.
Still, I do like Alicia...so be thankful Puppet Master, you at least managed that much, or else you'd be lurking in the top 5.
Tomorrow... an entire class of "villians". It's a hot topic.
A villain that works
Well, I'm working my way through my list of "painful" villains, so I need to step back and give kudos to one that really works.
He's really kind of pathetic in a way, when you think about it, but it makes him even nastier/creepier in his own way.
Who am I talking about? Per Degaton (note, the page hasn't been updated of late, but pages on this guy are lacking) I got JSA TBP Vol 9 today, and it has the opening of the Degaton arc. I'm impressed and amused.
This is one seriously warped puppy. With the ability to travel through time, he shows up outside of Stargirl's window and watches Capt. Marvel break up with her. Then he sits there and watches her bawl her eyes out.
So, when she's done crying, what does Degaton do? He goes back in time so he can enjoy the whole show over again. Now, this is a piece of work. Spending his time rattling through the time stream, watching the members of the JSA die, just so he can enjoy it the show. Sick, sick puppy. I'm looking forward to seeing much more of this guy.
On the other hand, in his sickness, he's still kind of pathetic. He decided to become the Chronal Voyeur, simply because he finally figured out, that he'd never be able to actually beat the JSA. He can't do it, so he at least wants snapshots of when someone else did the job for him *L*
Great fun, and beats a whole host of Solomon Grundy Appearances, any day of the week (btw, Green Arrow #52 loses 100 enjoyment points for not only bringing the goof out, but then making a "new" one. Yay.
I'll be back later with my painful FF villian, I won't string you along much longer.
He's really kind of pathetic in a way, when you think about it, but it makes him even nastier/creepier in his own way.
Who am I talking about? Per Degaton (note, the page hasn't been updated of late, but pages on this guy are lacking) I got JSA TBP Vol 9 today, and it has the opening of the Degaton arc. I'm impressed and amused.
This is one seriously warped puppy. With the ability to travel through time, he shows up outside of Stargirl's window and watches Capt. Marvel break up with her. Then he sits there and watches her bawl her eyes out.
So, when she's done crying, what does Degaton do? He goes back in time so he can enjoy the whole show over again. Now, this is a piece of work. Spending his time rattling through the time stream, watching the members of the JSA die, just so he can enjoy it the show. Sick, sick puppy. I'm looking forward to seeing much more of this guy.
On the other hand, in his sickness, he's still kind of pathetic. He decided to become the Chronal Voyeur, simply because he finally figured out, that he'd never be able to actually beat the JSA. He can't do it, so he at least wants snapshots of when someone else did the job for him *L*
Great fun, and beats a whole host of Solomon Grundy Appearances, any day of the week (btw, Green Arrow #52 loses 100 enjoyment points for not only bringing the goof out, but then making a "new" one. Yay.
I'll be back later with my painful FF villian, I won't string you along much longer.
Big Day
Well now, big, big day in the old mailbox. Not only did my monthly comics shipment come in, but some other things I'd ordered also found their way here. A few TPB's in particular, as well as the Countdown special. I'll have comments on all of those at some point. Suffice it to say, that this is probably more proof that my tastes don't run quite the same as most. I really liked Countdown... at least Ted had a good death.
Anyway, the first book I'd like to talk about is JSA #76. Now, I've read a fair amount of kvetching about this book since it came out, but I'm not nearly so negative with it as many. I can see where they were annoyed, especially with the OMAC appearance, but I can look past that. It certainly wasn't good, but it wasn't exactly mind-numbingly bad either. It was just sort of there.
I'm not sure where Booster finally found out about Beetle's death (I assume JLA, but I'm not sure), but that's a scene I don't mind in the least. While it's not "central" to the plotlone that JSA is pushing, it does bring out the humanity of Power Girl, and deals with her as a character. That works. One reason I like the "big" companies is the ability to have those sorts of interconnections. I realize that crossoveromania drives people beserk, and I appreciate it, and will even agree much of the time, but there are things, like the death of a character, that really should resonate across all the books.
The "main" storyline works for me until the very, very end. Atom-Smasher is a mess, and I think it is admirable that he's decided to take responsibility for his crimes (though I have no idea what he's doing in a US court, or a US prison...) One thing that's not been touched on in this storyline isn't simply that he killed people, but that metahumans had decided to take the law into their own hands and take over a country. Sure, the villians try that all the time, but it's something different when the heros do that. That's got to be an ongoing fear in the minds of many. What happens on the day that Clark decides he can run things better? Atom-Smasher taking responsiblity for being part of that is a very worthwhile thing.
What annoys me is that they really seem to be going back to the old Atom-Smasher/Stargirl romance that was hinted at way back when. The whole idea leaves me flat, but the last pages really push in that direction. Courtney says "I'll be waiting", and while that can be understood "as a friend," it's a bit of a stretch. Then Al is sitting there looking at the picture of the JSA, and he's focusing on Courtney.
What's my problem with this? Simply stated, there isn't really any chemistry between the two of them. Yeah, you can see signs that Courtney had a teenybopper crush on him early on. That's cool, no problem. Since then though? There's been very little established. Yeah, they were friends, perhaps closer than they were to anyone else on the team (though especially with Courtney that's arguable).
What's even worse, is when you contrast that with the Billy/Courtney thing that they teased us with. It's really wierd that they "broke up" that couple, using the age issue. The age thing was an illusion with Billy, but it's very, very real with Al.
However, the chemistry that was lacking with Al? It's there with Billy, in spades. From the moment that Billy's identity was revealed, you could see it. Billy's shyness, and Courtney actually being a bit more "aggressive," in pushing the relationship. It just felt natural, and "right." I also got Vol 9 of the JSA Trade books today, and there's more chemistry in the 3 page breakup scene then there has been in all the interaction between Al and Courtney. She even understands how badly Billy's being messed up by being Captain Marvel. She begs him to change back to being Billy. It works, it really, truly works. Is the door slammed on those two? I'm not sure, recent issues have rather "hinted" towards something coming up, but that's up in the air. It certainly works far, far better than Atom-Smasher, at least up to this point. Normally, I'm not a huge "shipper", but there will be times that certain things will reach out and grab me, and this is one of them.
Anyway, the first book I'd like to talk about is JSA #76. Now, I've read a fair amount of kvetching about this book since it came out, but I'm not nearly so negative with it as many. I can see where they were annoyed, especially with the OMAC appearance, but I can look past that. It certainly wasn't good, but it wasn't exactly mind-numbingly bad either. It was just sort of there.
I'm not sure where Booster finally found out about Beetle's death (I assume JLA, but I'm not sure), but that's a scene I don't mind in the least. While it's not "central" to the plotlone that JSA is pushing, it does bring out the humanity of Power Girl, and deals with her as a character. That works. One reason I like the "big" companies is the ability to have those sorts of interconnections. I realize that crossoveromania drives people beserk, and I appreciate it, and will even agree much of the time, but there are things, like the death of a character, that really should resonate across all the books.
The "main" storyline works for me until the very, very end. Atom-Smasher is a mess, and I think it is admirable that he's decided to take responsibility for his crimes (though I have no idea what he's doing in a US court, or a US prison...) One thing that's not been touched on in this storyline isn't simply that he killed people, but that metahumans had decided to take the law into their own hands and take over a country. Sure, the villians try that all the time, but it's something different when the heros do that. That's got to be an ongoing fear in the minds of many. What happens on the day that Clark decides he can run things better? Atom-Smasher taking responsiblity for being part of that is a very worthwhile thing.
What annoys me is that they really seem to be going back to the old Atom-Smasher/Stargirl romance that was hinted at way back when. The whole idea leaves me flat, but the last pages really push in that direction. Courtney says "I'll be waiting", and while that can be understood "as a friend," it's a bit of a stretch. Then Al is sitting there looking at the picture of the JSA, and he's focusing on Courtney.
What's my problem with this? Simply stated, there isn't really any chemistry between the two of them. Yeah, you can see signs that Courtney had a teenybopper crush on him early on. That's cool, no problem. Since then though? There's been very little established. Yeah, they were friends, perhaps closer than they were to anyone else on the team (though especially with Courtney that's arguable).
What's even worse, is when you contrast that with the Billy/Courtney thing that they teased us with. It's really wierd that they "broke up" that couple, using the age issue. The age thing was an illusion with Billy, but it's very, very real with Al.
However, the chemistry that was lacking with Al? It's there with Billy, in spades. From the moment that Billy's identity was revealed, you could see it. Billy's shyness, and Courtney actually being a bit more "aggressive," in pushing the relationship. It just felt natural, and "right." I also got Vol 9 of the JSA Trade books today, and there's more chemistry in the 3 page breakup scene then there has been in all the interaction between Al and Courtney. She even understands how badly Billy's being messed up by being Captain Marvel. She begs him to change back to being Billy. It works, it really, truly works. Is the door slammed on those two? I'm not sure, recent issues have rather "hinted" towards something coming up, but that's up in the air. It certainly works far, far better than Atom-Smasher, at least up to this point. Normally, I'm not a huge "shipper", but there will be times that certain things will reach out and grab me, and this is one of them.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Painful Villain #7
All right, not all of my "painful villain" list come out of the world of Marvel Comics. Actually, #1 will be a DC character, but his/her/its name will be revealed.
Anyway, one type of character that annoys me is the "big, idiotic muscle" sort of villain. (BTW, no I've never been a real Hulk fan either. Only run of Hulk I ever collected was one stretch where you had Bruce's brain in the green body. That was the first time I was ever remotely interested).
Anyway, there are lots of these kinds of villians around. Of course, Marvel has good ol Juggernaut, but honestly, he's too smart for this. Yeah, he has some telepath issues, but at least he has a chance of adding 2+2 and being right. I know, that doesn't explain the whole Black Tom thing, but give the poor goof a break. You'd be messed up too if you lived with lil Chuck.
Then, Batsie has the ever "popular" Killer Croc, but even so, he just doesn't quite rate.
No, painful Villian #7 is so bad that they had to use him in the rather painful Supergirl #1. Yes, #7 was born on a Monday...
Yes, it's Solomon Grundy
A big mound of muscle, with no real character. He exists solely to give the artist something to do while the writer does character exposition on the hero (again, see Supergirl #1, or the JSA issue where Grundy attacks Stargirl and Jakeem Thunder).
*yawn*
Tomorrow, the most painful of all Fantastic Four villians
Anyway, one type of character that annoys me is the "big, idiotic muscle" sort of villain. (BTW, no I've never been a real Hulk fan either. Only run of Hulk I ever collected was one stretch where you had Bruce's brain in the green body. That was the first time I was ever remotely interested).
Anyway, there are lots of these kinds of villians around. Of course, Marvel has good ol Juggernaut, but honestly, he's too smart for this. Yeah, he has some telepath issues, but at least he has a chance of adding 2+2 and being right. I know, that doesn't explain the whole Black Tom thing, but give the poor goof a break. You'd be messed up too if you lived with lil Chuck.
Then, Batsie has the ever "popular" Killer Croc, but even so, he just doesn't quite rate.
No, painful Villian #7 is so bad that they had to use him in the rather painful Supergirl #1. Yes, #7 was born on a Monday...
Yes, it's Solomon Grundy
A big mound of muscle, with no real character. He exists solely to give the artist something to do while the writer does character exposition on the hero (again, see Supergirl #1, or the JSA issue where Grundy attacks Stargirl and Jakeem Thunder).
*yawn*
Tomorrow, the most painful of all Fantastic Four villians
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Painful Villain #8
All right, our next contender isn't so much a bad villain as one that's truly a "one trick pony."
There are certain things that work once, but just shouldn't be repeated. Home Alone was a sort of clever movie. A bit of a stretch conceptually, but not entirely unreasonable. Now, make a second movie of the same kid getting left behind again? Bad idea.
The same hold true in comic books. There are villains that can make a single story, and make it work. The problem is that any attempt to bring them back starts stretching the point.
So, our award winner, is none other than...
Yes, indeed, Galactus.
His first story? Brilliant. After that, there's only really been one story that worked... the entire John Byrne "Trial" storyline.
Otherwise, it's just "same old same old." Truly, a one trick pony. Great trick, but that horse has been beaten to death.
There are certain things that work once, but just shouldn't be repeated. Home Alone was a sort of clever movie. A bit of a stretch conceptually, but not entirely unreasonable. Now, make a second movie of the same kid getting left behind again? Bad idea.
The same hold true in comic books. There are villains that can make a single story, and make it work. The problem is that any attempt to bring them back starts stretching the point.
So, our award winner, is none other than...
Yes, indeed, Galactus.
His first story? Brilliant. After that, there's only really been one story that worked... the entire John Byrne "Trial" storyline.
Otherwise, it's just "same old same old." Truly, a one trick pony. Great trick, but that horse has been beaten to death.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Painful Villain #9
Staying with our X-theme for the moment (face it, aside from Magneto, and then Mystique's version of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, the X types have had a lack of high quality villains, and some of the good ones they had, they ruined )
We come to this fool
Yay, we get someone who is even more feral, more brutal, more of a scrapper than Wolverine. Woo! Someone, stop the presses.
I have to admit, he has had a few good moments. Getting KOed by Jack Power (yes, of Power Pack) was an awe inspiring moment. If I had a scanner, I'd share it with you, just for the fun factor. Kitty Pryde did a number on him as well one time. Heh, kinda hard to rip apart a woman who is intangible, right Sabes?
Anyway, they tried and tried, gave him kids and partners and dragged him into the X-Mansion, but you just can't make this guy any more than he originally was. He makes a usable sidekick. He's not bad at going and being a real villian's dumb muscle (see his role in the Mutant Massacre), but as a villian unto himself?
He just oozes boringness. Typical Sabertooth "story"
Eeek! Sabertooth is here!
*menacemenacemenace*
Hero shows up, gets into knock down drag out fight, beats Sabertooth. Sabes is unable to say anything more intellegent than "I'm going to feast on your entrails."
Woo.
We come to this fool
Yay, we get someone who is even more feral, more brutal, more of a scrapper than Wolverine. Woo! Someone, stop the presses.
I have to admit, he has had a few good moments. Getting KOed by Jack Power (yes, of Power Pack) was an awe inspiring moment. If I had a scanner, I'd share it with you, just for the fun factor. Kitty Pryde did a number on him as well one time. Heh, kinda hard to rip apart a woman who is intangible, right Sabes?
Anyway, they tried and tried, gave him kids and partners and dragged him into the X-Mansion, but you just can't make this guy any more than he originally was. He makes a usable sidekick. He's not bad at going and being a real villian's dumb muscle (see his role in the Mutant Massacre), but as a villian unto himself?
He just oozes boringness. Typical Sabertooth "story"
Eeek! Sabertooth is here!
*menacemenacemenace*
Hero shows up, gets into knock down drag out fight, beats Sabertooth. Sabes is unable to say anything more intellegent than "I'm going to feast on your entrails."
Woo.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
The Ten Worst Villains #10
All right, who are the worst of the worst? The vilains,that as soon as you see their names in the "coming next issue" blurb, you cringe, and write off that issue as having any entertainment value?
Now, by this, I'm not talking about lame villains that only appear in one or two storylines and then fade into the woodwork... (like this bozo) but, the ones that you see again and again. The ones you just wonder... "Why doesn't grab these authors and tell them, that this guy is an automatic -50 points in enjoyment factor?"
So, #10 of "painful villians".
Stryfe
Now, I don't really recall what his mutant power was, (I've tried to forget this joker), but I think it may have involved having super-neck muscles. That helmet is enough to make my neck start throbbing just looking at it.
Can anyone name a single good Stryfe story? That's what I sort of thought. Still, he is a prime example of one of the worst cliches in all comicdom. The evil twin/clone/alternate version of a hero.
I recall, back in the early 90's, Marvel was gearing up for one of their annual crossovers (I think it was one of the Infinity ones, not positive), and at the same time, the short lived Marvel UK imprint was getting ready for their own "blow out" event. Oddly enough, both focused on having large numbers of evil twins around. In one of their house mags, one of the editors said "evil twins are always a good idea."
Nope, they are almost always a bad idea. A truly bad idea. If you want someone to go fight their Id, let them do it the old fashioned way, a bit of soul searching and all that. While it ended badly (and we'll see why later on in the 10), Darkchilde Magik (Illyana), was a far more effective way to play in that bit of territory than any number of evil twins.
So, Stryfe, take that Buick Hood Ornament you call a helmet, and set up chairs for the other nine.
Now, by this, I'm not talking about lame villains that only appear in one or two storylines and then fade into the woodwork... (like this bozo) but, the ones that you see again and again. The ones you just wonder... "Why doesn't grab these authors and tell them, that this guy is an automatic -50 points in enjoyment factor?"
So, #10 of "painful villians".
Stryfe
Now, I don't really recall what his mutant power was, (I've tried to forget this joker), but I think it may have involved having super-neck muscles. That helmet is enough to make my neck start throbbing just looking at it.
Can anyone name a single good Stryfe story? That's what I sort of thought. Still, he is a prime example of one of the worst cliches in all comicdom. The evil twin/clone/alternate version of a hero.
I recall, back in the early 90's, Marvel was gearing up for one of their annual crossovers (I think it was one of the Infinity ones, not positive), and at the same time, the short lived Marvel UK imprint was getting ready for their own "blow out" event. Oddly enough, both focused on having large numbers of evil twins around. In one of their house mags, one of the editors said "evil twins are always a good idea."
Nope, they are almost always a bad idea. A truly bad idea. If you want someone to go fight their Id, let them do it the old fashioned way, a bit of soul searching and all that. While it ended badly (and we'll see why later on in the 10), Darkchilde Magik (Illyana), was a far more effective way to play in that bit of territory than any number of evil twins.
So, Stryfe, take that Buick Hood Ornament you call a helmet, and set up chairs for the other nine.
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